This is my problem, making friends as a parent (and ideally helping your kid get a new friend) is so foreign to me. But I love the idea of just making it a goal and going for it systematically
It’s funny, a lot of people I know chalk up the social relentlessness to me being an American, and it’s not. I know a bunch of Indian people here who do the same. A few Chilean people, too. One recent immigrant from India, in particular, told me he wanted to meet women and date so he just signed up for a salsa class and I was like “Good for you, man.” It worked, last I checked he had an Australian girlfriend. I often laugh imagining an incel seething upon hearing that.
Really interesting, also well done on the social mahi you've put in, I'm glad it's paid off! It's interesting thinking about the differences in somewhere like Aotearoa, or even different cities in the motu. When I moved to Dunedin I lucked into a really good social flat (one member who I'm still close with a decade later) which helped stave off some of the loneliness/gave me access to parties and floating around the other flatmates' friends, while I worked on making my own friends. And I also happened to be living in a suburb with one main road that others branched off, so you would run into people and stop and chat (which is how I initially developed a rapport with my long-term boyfriend).
In somewhere like Dunedin, and I suspect this is true of Aotearoa as a whole to an extent, you can be wary of jumping into a new friendship cos if it fails you ARE going to see them around repeatedly. Idk if you've found NZers friendly, lots of foreigners say we are, but I often find us standoffish and reserved (and there's a level of social awkwardness within like, left and queer scenes that makes me want to scream 'get a grip' sometimes). I suppose in bigger cities like Tāmaki Makaurau you're slightly less likely to bump into people, so you have to get their number/Instagram? And that must also be the case in larger countries overseas?
One thing I found about moving to Aotearoa as an adult (and now in my 3rd New Zealand city in that time) is that I have friends that know each other but not really a friend group, maybe because we never went to high school together and bonded in the same context. I also think my rule of thumb is that it takes 6 months to start having the tentative friends/not be lonely every weekend and two years to feel really certain about which friendships are going to last. I have felt that reeking with loneliness feeling! I have messaged people at linked in I met at work events in case they turned out to be good friend potential!
Living abroad right now and in a similar place socially. I'm only here for 6 months so I don't think I'll be able to lay as extensive groundwork as you, but I can see myself using this in the future when I move to a new city. Thanks for the share!
So true, and no less true as a parent. And man it takes time, don't it? Loved reading this, thanks!
This is my problem, making friends as a parent (and ideally helping your kid get a new friend) is so foreign to me. But I love the idea of just making it a goal and going for it systematically
It’s funny, a lot of people I know chalk up the social relentlessness to me being an American, and it’s not. I know a bunch of Indian people here who do the same. A few Chilean people, too. One recent immigrant from India, in particular, told me he wanted to meet women and date so he just signed up for a salsa class and I was like “Good for you, man.” It worked, last I checked he had an Australian girlfriend. I often laugh imagining an incel seething upon hearing that.
Really interesting, also well done on the social mahi you've put in, I'm glad it's paid off! It's interesting thinking about the differences in somewhere like Aotearoa, or even different cities in the motu. When I moved to Dunedin I lucked into a really good social flat (one member who I'm still close with a decade later) which helped stave off some of the loneliness/gave me access to parties and floating around the other flatmates' friends, while I worked on making my own friends. And I also happened to be living in a suburb with one main road that others branched off, so you would run into people and stop and chat (which is how I initially developed a rapport with my long-term boyfriend).
In somewhere like Dunedin, and I suspect this is true of Aotearoa as a whole to an extent, you can be wary of jumping into a new friendship cos if it fails you ARE going to see them around repeatedly. Idk if you've found NZers friendly, lots of foreigners say we are, but I often find us standoffish and reserved (and there's a level of social awkwardness within like, left and queer scenes that makes me want to scream 'get a grip' sometimes). I suppose in bigger cities like Tāmaki Makaurau you're slightly less likely to bump into people, so you have to get their number/Instagram? And that must also be the case in larger countries overseas?
One thing I found about moving to Aotearoa as an adult (and now in my 3rd New Zealand city in that time) is that I have friends that know each other but not really a friend group, maybe because we never went to high school together and bonded in the same context. I also think my rule of thumb is that it takes 6 months to start having the tentative friends/not be lonely every weekend and two years to feel really certain about which friendships are going to last. I have felt that reeking with loneliness feeling! I have messaged people at linked in I met at work events in case they turned out to be good friend potential!
Living abroad right now and in a similar place socially. I'm only here for 6 months so I don't think I'll be able to lay as extensive groundwork as you, but I can see myself using this in the future when I move to a new city. Thanks for the share!
I hope it works for you!